The S-300 follies

Marx Brothers

This is beginning to look like a Marx Brothers movie. Several days ago, immediately after a meeting between PM Netanyahu and Russia’s Vladimir Putin, the Russians made it known that they would not deliver the S-300 air defense system — this is the one that can hit Israeli military and commercial aircraft as they take off from Israel — to Syria after all.

But then, the very next day, the EU announced that it was really, really tired of Bashar al-Assad and would, in principle, allow its members to sell weapons to his opposition (these are the guys that cut the hearts out of their enemies and bite them).

Of course, they also indicated that they will not be providing said weapons any time soon, nor have they explained how they will tell the ‘good’ opposition from the ‘bad’ opposition from the heart-biting opposition.

Nevertheless, this apparently caused the Russians to say that after all, they would too deliver the S-300. But it’s not that simple.

Yesterday, the Guardian reported,

Israel has read Moscow’s insistence on pursuing its deal to supply Damascus with the powerful missile systems as part of a “cold war” power struggle between the US and Russia playing out in the theatre of the Syrian civil war in which it wants no part.

“We are unhappy with the prospect of these very serious weapons arriving in Syria but we cannot stop Russia delivering them to the Middle East. We would not strike a Russian target – our egos are big but they’re not that big,” one senior Israeli diplomat told the Guardian on condition of anonymity.

The Israeli military will not hesitate, however, to take any steps necessary to prevent the transfer of this sophisticated Russian anti-aircraft technology to Hezbollah militants or other hostile groups.

“I don’t know how upset the Russians would be if, at some point between payment and the installation of this technology in Damascus by Russian experts, something was done to damage the weaponry. As long as no Russians were hurt and they got paid, I don’t think they would care,” the diplomat added.

There may be other obstacles to the Syrians getting the systems operational. Like this news item suggests:

National Security Adviser Yaakov Amidror told EU diplomats that Israel would prevent S-300 missiles sold by Russia to Assad from becoming operational.

Diplomats reported they believed this was not necessarily a threat to use military force, rather an Israeli assessment that Assad would simply not get around to putting the Russian missiles together, since they are delivered with assembly required.

FresnoZionism’s undercover Syrian correspondent has sent us the following transcript. Of course we can’t guarantee that it is 100% correct.

Ahmad: Hurry up, Nizar, let’s get this crate containing the S-300 system unloaded. Soon we can deploy it against the Zionist and imperialist terrorists who are trying to overthrow our great leader and his attractive wife!

Nizar: (grunting as he pushes large crate emblazoned with a large red bear logo down a ramp from a truck) It’s heavy, Ahmad!

A: Of course it’s heavy, dolt, you can’t expect to crush Zionist and imperialist terrorists with light stuff! Hurry up, and then get the crowbar.

N: (pushes crate onto the ground) There!

A: Let’s get it open.

N: (picks up big crowbar and starts prying open the crate. The sides fall away, revealing several bags of small parts, screws and bolts, hanks of wire, various tubes and boxes, a large can with a hazardous material symbol on it, some rubber tires, and what appears to be a fat instruction manual) Allahu Akbar, the S-300!

A: Hmm… there seems to be some assembly required. Give me the book, Nizar. Let’s see… Crap, it’s all in Russky! What does пошёл нахуй,товарищ mean?

N: I don’t speak Russky. But maybe some of those Hizballah volunteers sitting around picking the lice out of their beards while I work do.

A: Hey you — Hizbaloon — what does пошёл нахуй,товарищ mean?

Hizballah terrorist: (squinting at book) Er, it says “Congratulations on your purchase of this fine Russky air defense system.”

A: Keep reading. We need to put this together before the Zionists find out we have it and bomb us!

H: “You will need a few simple tools like a horizontal milling machine, a 5-axis lathe, and a  screwdriver Feeloops to assemble your S-300.”

A: (sweating) Nizar, do we have a screwdriver Feeloops? What is a screwdriver Feeloops, anyway?

N: I don’t know, but that looks like a Zionist F-15 over there (runs away).

The transcript ends here.

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One Response to “The S-300 follies”

  1. Robman says:

    As WW3 is about to start…it is at least good to get in a good laugh.

    Thanks, Vic. Much needed.